Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
