Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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