YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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