There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
