once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
