i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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