We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
