At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
