My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need a beard to bite.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
