ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
