So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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