I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
