Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize