Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
