Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
