your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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