My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
