Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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