my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The air was thick with penises
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
