Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
