He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
