im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Alive.
So much puke
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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