I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
