I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
