Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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