Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
