I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
