Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
