I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
