dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My cat gives me a boner
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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