I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize