i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize