why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
