you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
