just tell him i said nine months
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
