Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to stop coming to work sober
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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