i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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