had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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