that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
