I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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