her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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