I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
