I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can Purell be used as lube?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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