shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
