i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
