I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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