just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
