While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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