What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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