her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
