Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
