I wish I could punch you in the face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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