U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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