PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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