I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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