i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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