Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
