Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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