So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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