how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
