Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize