Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I will be naked everywhere
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
