census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
