based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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