New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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