thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
