I just saw a hot homeless man
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
