dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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