The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
