Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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